Anxiety Problems are Avoidance Problems

Posted by DKollman on Oct 4, 2012 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

Anxiety is part of life.  It is the cost of admission of the human condition.  It is the price of the ticket to go on this ride. Life is hard and wonderful and bumpy and beautiful, and anxiety is just a part of it.

 

The fact that anxiety is part of life, however, is not the source of our problems.  Anxiety itself is a feeling.  It is an unpleasant feeling.  An aversive feeling.  A feeling no one should have to experience in a severe and endless way.  But it is still just a feeling: an unpleasant, harmless feeling felt by every creature on Earth.

 

Anxiety problems, on the other hand, are more serious than a feeling.  They take our time, they take our freedom, and they take our opportunities.  And anxiety problems don’t arise directly from the feeling called “anxiety.”  They arise from how we relate to it.

 

Take the issue of anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder, social phobia, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.  These and other diagnoses affect a quarter of all Americans.  They are the main reason anxious people end up in psychotherapy.

 

Yet anxiety disorders are not caused by anxiety alone. Instead, they emerge as syndromes of avoidance.  In other words:

 

When we worry too much . . .

or wash our hands too much . . .

or don’t make eye contact when we should . . .

or steer clear of safe-but-scary places . . .

or make to-do lists we don’t need . . .

or check and recheck and recheck the locks . . .

or excessively seek reassurance . . .

 

We are trying to avoid anxiety itself.

 

First and foremost, then, most anxiety problems are not really anxiety problems.  Most anxiety problems are really avoidance problems.  Avoidance is what keeps us anxious and disrupts our lives. Avoidance transforms a harmless feeling into a dilemma.

 

 

Dylan M. Kollman, PhD

www.realanxietysolutions.com

dkollman@realanxietysolutions.com